to you

Since you are not stupid, as you said, you will be able to understand this (if and when you come here again). I'm not going to apologize or run after you, even because you told me not to do it.
But I'm going to leave here, recorded, my defense.
"Crazy" means a lot of things, including "desperately excited". If I say: "I'm crazy about our New Year's party", you do not need to take me to a mental clinic. Just celebrate with me.
"Cretine" was bad humor, I recognise. I was exaggerating (like my lit teacher), and used bad bad words. Now that I have my kid, I am sure I would love to kill whoever says something similar to this about him.
And I was not underestimating you when I wrote those in English. I know well, from ICQ times, that you comunicate well in English. If I wanted to hide something from you, I would not have written this on a blog, in the first place. I'd not written it at all. Cause I know well how written words can destroy a relationship.
And yes, sometimes I thing how I got jealous when you got pregnant. Maybe I was trying to imitate you, isn't it? Well, surprisingly, I was not trying to have a baby, it happened. I knew I could not have a baby inside that place I live, but as you know well, maternity changes us, makes us feel "crazy" and we can only think about them.
But it is not about this that I want to talk to you. I want to talk about trust. Remember your wedding, when you got really angry at us? Fabiano is not recovered till today. You did not believe we got late because of Sergio, and you know why? Because Sergio is a crazy guy, by that time, and set up with us, to meet him, and did not wait for us. We stood there at Praia Shopping waiting till we were late, because we were worried that Sergio could be in trouble to go to the wedding. And I bet that you still doubt it. But I do not care, I swear. It is something that Fabiano remebers till today, but I always set up excuses for your behaviour towards us. Because I care about you and your friendship.
You want some honesty? Sometimes I feel uncomfortable when you call me to tell me about your problems, because I don't know how to handle this. Sometimes I want to call you, but I feel shy to do it. Because I was raised to handle my own problems. You are my sanity guarantee, because when I listen to you I feel I am not alone with my own problems. I can not talk, but anyway I feel more relieved, because of you.
Wanna cut relations? Fine. Just one more confession. I omitted one little thing from you all these years. And it was not those things. I always thought I was more secure and well resolved. When I met you, this begun to fail. I felt I had difficulties, and I was not the perfect girl I used to thing I was.
OK, this is the end. I didnt have the intention of change your mind. Just to make you think. It is too way a spend of energy if I hide feelings from someone who knows me so well. If you prefer to believe in misunderstood words rather than in your own feeling, OK, go ahead. Maybe I prefer this way. I don't want someone untrue to her own feelings next to me. Thank you and Good luck.